I have started a bunch of these posts with "it's been a while eh?" type messages and this post is not going to be different. So...it's been a while eh?
Here's a quick update on where I stand in the TKD world both in my own training and other areas of my martial arts life.
Starting with moving further from my home TKD school and the birth of my daughter (At age 42) -- cascading through health issues, a promotion at work, and just the smallest of global pandemics; TKD took a back seat for me.
This shelving of TKD started shortly after I passed my test for 6th dan, which marks the end of physical testing in my organization. For me to attain higher ranks from here - instead of learning and performing subject matter at a test -- my contribution to the arts would have to be measured. With no real physical goal to work for, I became lost and after contributing to the arts for 25 years, I was burned out and just honestly needed a break. I am not a belt chaser, but I loved the goals and working towards the next test was always a powerful motivator. Though a little part of me was pained by this, I was mostly ok with TKD taking a back seat in my life.
Instead of focusing on my own training, I've been focusing on teaching my wife how to teach our children TKD (by children I include my niece and nephew). I can honestly say it is some of the most satisfying work as an instructor I have ever participated in. My wife is a wonderful teacher, who gets better every class she teaches. Her own unique experiences and passion have forged a terrific foundation of a great instructor. She is a wonderful partner in this part of my journey, and though I have worked with some amazing teachers, I couldn't imagine working with anyone else for this. We're passing our shared lineage, the way (in my opinion) all martial arts should be passed on.
Our kids are taking a very old, very slow approach to learning TKD. They test only when they show the aptitude for the rank they are going for. They impress me frequently with their own unique takes on the art and though I may not have been training so hard personally - my martial arts "cup" was contently full.
This is not an indictment on modern classroom TKD practices as I recognize it is different when you have a dedicated student teacher ratio of 4:1 or 4:2 and all of your students live at the dojang. Though we normally train on Monday nights, we've had classes on a random day and at a random time -- because we can. We've also skipped training -- because it is free and there's no schedule to advancement to consider.
My mental (at least in a martial arts sense) and my physical health have needed to improve for some time and I had been slowly trying to get myself going again.
Taking it "slow"; high stances, low kicks, 30% power on everything I do. It was so unsatisfying I fell into a rut of thinking "what's the point". TKD felt necessary when I was younger, riskier and lived in an area with higher crime. None of those things are my reality now. Hockey is a much more fulfilling activity to me for physical exercise, but it has become clear it is not enough to attain the health I am chasing.
Although I've managed to lose a lot of the weight I put on after surgery and the pandemic my health isn't where I want it to be. I've had kidney stones and back sprains due to my diet and exercise habits and recently made some very strict changes to prevent those issues from coming back. That being said I committed the worst sin possible when it comes to any activity you want to continue doing as your body ages -- I stopped doing the activity. Although my mind is sharp as ever, my technique has suffered to the point I am frequently disgusted whenever I try to do martial arts. As some of you might know, the mind remembers how to do things that the vessel is incapable of doing anymore. Though I would rate my ego as "healthy" it is sadly not healthy enough to withstand my self criticism and deprecation. I am my own worst critic, and I am often too brutal to myself.
I started taking omega-3 supplements after my mother in law suggested and commented on how good her joints felt. I had tried omega-3s in my 30s and found the effects negligible. I was astonished at how good my body felt almost immediately recently. Aches and pains I have been suffering with for years were suddenly muted. I've been feeling the pull of TKD and the normal feelings of pain from just walking through were missing.
So last night, I threw my self inhibitors off and just let it rip. I stretched, I kicked hard, I kicked as high as I could, I stretched some more. I did forms and I kicked the crap out of BOB (the punching bag).
It was an astonishingly amazing feeling. At first kicking high and hard was awful. My body rejected it, my body control was atrocious. I hung in there though, and focused my mind. My arms stopped flailing on my high kicks, and I was trimming excess movements from my upper body techniques. I showed myself that I could bring order out of chaos. It felt good.
I stopped after about 30 minutes, because experience has taught me that over doing anything your first time back is always bad. I could have done more, I could have done a lot more. I'm playing almost as much hockey now in my 40s as I did in my late 20s and in general feel really good from a "wind" perspective. I was concerned with how I would feel when I woke up.
Although not surprising, I'm sore. Particularly in my back which is most concerning. I hope to use this information to modify my training. I'm not going back to low kicks high stances and 30% power - but I'll be content at a slightly modified 75% training. It felt "right" and it felt "good" for the first time in a very, very long time. I'm honestly excited at the prospect of training again. I haven't successfully trained on my own in a long time but I miss the mental relief I'd have after a great forms session.
So if you actually read this far, I thank you. These are my guideposts that I go back and look over sometimes. Sometimes with pride, sometimes with cringe. Since people seem to care what I think I'll keep sharing.
I plan to write at least one more post soon, as I have become aware that I will be receiving an award that will warrant more words. I'm hoping though, that I'm on the precipice of rediscovering my training, and forging ahead to martial arts as a middle aged adult.
Maybe one day I'll finish that book on forms I've been writing for so long.
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